I KEEP EATING ARGH. Yay gonna play LAN later. L4D2!!

I've got too many photos on facebook.. need to delete the ugly and useless ones that don't portray my self image properly. HAHAHAHA.. Get rid of the weeds, tug right at the roots.. if you get what i mean.

Got myself a blazer and peacock earrings yesterday, which are kinda HUGE. Met lynn too, haven't seen her for ages. The ONLY uni friend i ever stepped out of school with to meet, NOT FOR A PROJECT.

Christmas has ended! It's boxing day today for those with presents.. ZZZ.. you know what this means? Chinese New year songs playing at my beloved Orchard and shopping malls. OMFG. And sometimes, quoted from Pearlz, there're actually christmas carols and cheeena new year songs REMIXES. Talking about shitty music. This is worse than mommy nagging. HAHAHA. Ok, maybe mommy's worse.

Dread school, totally removed myself from civilisation and disgusting NTU. I might get depressed and lose weight, that's the plus part. But judging from my character, i'd just be angsty and kick everyone's ass in my way.
1:00 PM



Kinda sleepy now, woke up early this morning for the stupid registration. Zzz.. quite happy with my timetable, provided i get korean! Zzzz..

Finally meeting pearls and cel tmr!! And wathcing AVATAR!!!

Supposed to club with eelin and a huge bunch of people i don't know.. well she invited me, and it's her 'birthday'. That word's bugging me, although i know she'd just club even if it wasn't her bday. AM I RIGHT TAN EELIN? I'll be tired and i won't smell nice after an entire day out, that part turns me off. And i have family celebrations on thurs!! SEE MOOD. But eelin you're still my friend. HAHA.. i am just not a party person.

I am irritated, my adidas boots stripe is kind of cracking. They probably kept it for a long time, explaining the 50% off. I am PISSED.

And my mom opened my new YSL lip gloss.. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. But she paid anyways. HAHAHAHAHHAA..

Waiting for my hair to dry so i can sleep... ZZZZZZ..
2:01 AM



Returned from Malaysia KL last night and i am still too lazy to upload my photos, haven't seen my friends for quite some time. Really enjoyed the trip. Great hotel, food and shopping. :D

Busted money on makeup and a pair of gucci shades which i haven't touched ever since i bought them. Really sleepy now and i need to exercise no matter what. TOO OBESE.

Shall upload photos tmr, buy new hamster food, and probably stay at home to slack.. wanna shop more! Loads of sales now!

I have no idea why, but thinking of a couple of people really irritate me to death. I was so busy shopping in KL that i didn't even have time to think about those people. I need more of such retail therapy.

And my conclusion today. Sorry but PRCs really irritate the SHIT out of me. Why do they keep pushing me? This is not CHINA, it's SINGAPORE. Please respect my fucking personal space and stand 10metres away from me before your bad breath and body odour kills me. FUCKFACES.
1:47 AM



There's 101 things i need.. let me list them here since i have nothing better to do..

1. Eye primer from MAC
2. Kohl pencil from MAC
3. Bronzer
4. Liquid foundation
5. Loose powder
6. Acid wash jeans
7. Cotton leggings
8. Wet look leggings
9. New tunics
10. Nice feathered hairband HAHA
11. acid wash vest
12. Blazer
13. New eye lashes

See.. i need money. Shitloads of it. My necessities!
7:36 PM



I am damn annoyed now because Singapore doesn't seem to be selling my Nike Legend women boots.. ARGH WTF. It's not even that expensive, US70. ARGH WTF WTF WTFFFF.

And YOU REALLY PISS ME OFF. Your stupid lameass negative depressing energy is annoying the shit out of me. Sometimes i want to say i don't give a SHIT whether you are depressed or not, as long as i am happy. I can crap and talk rubbish.. but the moment i hear that NAME, my blood just boils and i totally blow up. I am not sorry I am like that either because i have reached my limits. And now that i cannot find my boots, and my uncle isn't replying me when i wanna buy my VS and F21 stuff, meaning that i won't be getting.. you better don't een WHISPER her name or i will fucking lose my temper, and that's it.

Oh and i am not sorry that my inability to get my stuff is affecting our r/s, because i am only human afterall. Like you, we're all affected by different things. You depressed mood affects you, my nike and victoria's secret affects me.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Die. YOU. DIE. GO. AND. DIE.
GO
AND
DIE

GO
AND
DIE
DIE
DIE

Hate studying. DAMN ANNOYED NOW.
4:30 PM



Haven't touched my stuff for 2 freaking days, and i haven't started. ARGH.. I really have no motivation to study, sucky thing at 7th dec.

I've downloaded virtual villagers, 2 versions of dinerdashhhh.. and i want sally's salon and sally's spa! Cant't seem to find!!! ARGH..

I need to lose weight man! I want to buy myself a cute pair of bootzxzxxzx! And new clothes! I need my haircut and i need to dye my hair too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and my eyebrows! And my TANNN.
4:05 PM



I am here to deee stress for a while before my torturous day tomorrow. Seriously screwed to death.

To do list
1. Mask before I sleep
2. Thread eyebrows
3. Get my bangs AGAIN
4. Dye hair AGAIN
5. Stop snacking
6. LOSE SHITLOADS OF WEIGHT
7. Do my own nails and stick my puppy stickers
8. At least buy a new top, leggings, whatever.. JUST BUY SOMETHING
9. Party on 10th Dec
10. Malaysia trip on 12th to 15th Dec TO SHOP!!
11. Bug mommy to get my makeup brushes and expensive foundation, loose powders and bronzers
12. Meet Cel and Pearlz and have ben and jerrys tub, chill, laugh at peeps, go to the airport and have popeyes and slack there from night till dawn
13. Prepare for christmas!

Oh and i am so getting a tan. :D
4:29 AM



Need to get this off my chest, honestly, i've been going on and on about it for days.

I've never met someone I was so annoyed with... Seriously, when I was feeling damn shitty, what the hell did you do to make me feel better? Who the hell tells their friends that "The empty feeling will be there forever"? "You need to go through this alone.." And when i was feeling better, you had to slam it in my face again and make me feel fucked up, and i am sure my friends know what i am talking about. That was the turning point, seriously, my hatred for you started FERMENTING..

And when i was happy, you had to go on and on about your depressed life. Okay, as a friend i am obliged to be THERE and listen. I tried. And it didn't work, nothing worked. Initially I seriously tried helping you, and all you did was ask me,"How? I cannot do this.. How? I cannot take it? It's not easy..", "I'm dyin'.. how am i supposed to help? What do you want from me? I gave my advice, i played my part, and then you had to screw it up by talking to her again. Honestly, is your life that boring that you have to go look for depression to spice it up? Are you that much of a fucking loser seriously?

Why must you keep associating yourself with me? I am not you, neither am i similar to you in anyway. I have my own life, i have my goals, i have friends and family to care about, i have my own hobbies, i have my own space. We are NOTHING alike. Why must you keep associating yourself with people? Let me tell you why. You don't need a psychologist to do that. It's because you are insecure, you can't be alone for ONCE and you have an innate need to want to be part of some cooooool sorority. You feel like you are some MISFIT in society and the whole world doesn't understand you, so you need to drag someone else or people along with you. Let me tell you this, I don't need that security and assurance you need. So leave me out of it.

My life doesn't revolve around one person. Like i said, i have a life. So why don't you just wake up and find your way? I think it just takes a retard to know that when I even dare to write this here, it shows that you have gone overboard, and i don't care about this friendship anymore. Just like when people stop loving you, they just stop.

When you had your 'life' back then, that was all you cared about. Now that you have nothing(according to you), you're trying to grab whatever you can. It doesn't work this way.

And you know when you made me explode? When you commented on something you shouldn't even have. It meant:

1. You don't care anymore
2. You left your brains in your mother's vagina

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, let's take it as choice 1.

It's amazing the word "loser" hasn't slipped out of my mouth. Oops it just did.
3:59 AM



No burning thing to say these past few weeks, haven't been updating at all. Hardly anyone reads blogs these days, well i don't. Hahaha.. so i guess nobody would know if i update or not.

WON THE PHONE BY THE WAY. To those suckers who felt i couldn't win, eat my dust and kiss my ass. HAHAHAHA.. but the phone's kinda slow for the screen portion, the keypad's still ok. It's quite pretty too.

I'm FUCKING FAT NOW. ARGH~!
5:28 AM



My blog's dead. But i am still going to keep it, for memories sake.. will update when i have alot of things to say.

I am avoiding school as much as i can now. I am really tired.
12:05 AM



SALES EVERYWHERE NOW!

I saw the blazer, hoodie and tube i loveeeeeee from topshop on sale!! ARGH.. i need money omgomgomgomgggggggggg. ANNOYED.

Projects projects projects are killing me. I find it so hard to keep my eyes open even when i am having consultation with the PROFESSOR. And when i am having project meetings, my eyes just keep threatening to close.

Stayed at suchen's hall yesterday. The seminar room ROCKS.. we were playing songs on our ipod on speaker mode. And we sang to hokkien songs HAHAHAHAHAHA. WTF MAN. They were on suchen's ipod.

I don't understand why FRIENDS would show you attitude. Honestly, WTH is wrong with you? Honestly, i SWEAR.. i can SWEAR my ass off that i have NEVER done it. Even if i feel like shit or i am damn irritated on that day, busy, tired or whatever, i won't do such things. Or sound like i cannot be bothered. Honestly, wtf is your problem? Why the hell should i take your bloody mood swings? If you're so irritated with the rest of the world, hell it's not my problem, go fuck yourself.
3:30 PM



Sigh... school sucks. What can i say? Behind time, slacking, zzz...

But life's still happy somehow.
10:06 PM
















2:57 PM



So behind time. Haven't touched Public Admin for weeks. Forensic test coming up soon. Boring stuff. Consumer Behaviour's giving me a headache.. Research Methods is seriously pissing me off. I can't imagine myself doing FYP. OMFG.

My right upper shoulder is aching like CRAZY. Seriously bad.. the bones keep cracking and making weird sounds. Zzz..

Wanted to tan on friday, and today.. but i didn't wake up in time. Sleepy everyday. I have yet to submit my photo for the LG phone contest. HAHAHA. Yeah i am disgusting, i am joining that thing. Well, i like the phone.. and i could get it for free, but i doubt i'll win. Who cares.. just join. I just need the extra driving factor to push me to take the photo. I have been too lazy. I MUST TAN ON TUES. AND TAKE MY SEXY PHOTO BY TUES. You guys better vote for me everyday.

Nothing much to say. OH and i am FAT. So damn bloooooody FAT. How can YOU stand it. HAHAHAHA.

And that bloody lay lan 'JIAO' keeps sending me forwarded emails wtf? The groupmate that kim and i booted out because she was being annoying. Thank god i didn't do my project with her..
5:01 PM



Here i am, in the FAL again, killing time. My contacts are dry and blurry, damn annoyed. I hate typing using the old fashioned keyboard. I was dozing off during consumer behaviour lecture just now. ARGH... i doze off EVERY LECTURE. And i didn't even do a SINGLE SHIT yesterday, slept for 2hours. WAs slacking online. Seriously, wtf is wrong with me?!?!?!?!!?!

And i am going out tonight. TO do list:
1. Research methods: Private label brands and consumers' perception of them
2. Research methods chapter 13 and 14
3. Consumer behaviour textbook chapters
4. Research methods tutorial
5. Consumer behaviour tutorial
6. TRy to think of something for individual consumer behaviour assignment
7. Chapter 6 and chapter 7 for Public admin textbook
8. Summary of journal article for public admin
9. Negotiating book. BORING SHIT.
10. Prepare for AB214 test.

That's about it.

11. Lose 5kg.

Why does number 11 look more achievable than 1 to 10. Sad case.

I'd rather starve than do work, that's how much i hate work and words and boring senseless stuff. OMFG.

TIRED TIRED TIRED of EVERYTHING. But currently, i am quite at peace with school. I mean, i hate school because of travelling. But i guess my tutorial mates are not bad and my group's pretty ok.

I cannot stand my ex tutorial mate. I HATE HIS FACE. And i think he hates me too because of my headphones which are growing in size. He looks like an old billy goat and his accent is so gay, and he looks like a praying mantis. I think he has a gf, i pity her. You've got a fugly-fucktarded-fuckface. I pity your parents too. Ugly son. Thank god you don't have a twin or it'll be twice the ugliness in the world. Mother nature will cry for centuries.

AB228A sucks. What am i supposed to say during my lame mock interview later?!?!!?!?!!?!?! torturous 5 mins and a 1 minute speech to promote yourself.

Hi i am Ming Hui, you can call me MENGMENG. I am spontaneous, critical, a complain queen and i have issues with the rest of the world. Did i mention that your red lipstick doesn't suit your ugly face? Stop walking around like some freakshow. I hate working and i want to be a taitai. I've got my period today, it's the second day and i am irritated.

My shoulders are aching like HELL OMG. Feel like dying.

I think i might fall asleep standing or walking.
10:36 AM



FUCK i gained weight. I FEEL FAT. NOT SEXY. OMFG. Kill me now.

I think someone is cute and i hate the fact that i think so. WTF?!
12:17 AM



My sem 1 friend spoke to me yesterday. And I couldn't resist the urge and started asking alot of questions.

1. Do guys like stupid girls? Like the typical SA ones that act stupid and sound stupid?
If girls sound a bit stupid, then guys will feel good cos they feel smart. But girls that are too stupid would be a turn off.

2. Do guys love girls who are damn 'act cute' and have really sick voices?
Cute of course like LA. A bit cute can already.

3. Guys have very large egos right? They hate to be wrong?
Yes.

4. Will guys like lesbians or will they see them as out of reach?
I think guys will just like all types of girls, lesbian or not, they will go for it. And of course, if they manage to convert the girl (to straight-ness), they will feel a sense of accomplishment.

THERE YOU HAVE IT. All your queries answered. HAHAHAHA. Am i straight forward or what?

And he added on, that I have to act demurely, talk less loudly and be less fierce, if not guys will be scared. WTF?! FORGET IT. I AM GOING TO STAY SINGLE MY ENTIRE LIFE.

"But i've seen girls like you, their boyfriends are usually quite cool"
Then where's mine man. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I was talking to Tanny..
Me: What's up with the 'girls like you'.
Tanny: People who can handle you will be the cream of the crop.
Me: People who can handle YOU.

BITCH. HAHAHAHA.

Seriously, i am so NOT gonna be DEMURE, SOFT SPOKEN, with NO POINT OF VIEW, wagging my tail at the guy's butt, and be a tame little CUTE puppy, just so that people can THINK they are damn smart. I think people who are like that are pathetic and damn disgusting. And i hate it when guys go like.. "girls got no strength, I help you laaa". Pleaseeeee, your eyeballs will end up in your intestines and you'll shit them out if i punch them in. And i am sure i have strength to crush your nose.

"You are a girl, you should be more demure", "Girls cannot use vulgarities", "Girls should blah blah blah" --- Kiss my ASS. I can sit like a boy, eat like one, talk like one, piss and shit like one. I can curse all i want.. FUCK YOU. SO SUE ME. I don't cook or do housework, so sue me.

And i totally love my new MAC nude lipstick. WEEEHEEEHEEEEEE. My contacts are so dry. PISSING ME OFF.

I was really happy when i saw a picture of MJ flashing his middle finger, and hearing the 'fucking' word in the Scream song. HAHAHAHAHA. I have absolutely no idea why.
10:42 AM




If you aren't MJ, you'll be arrested for holding your crotch in public.


1:17 AM



Blogger is pissing me off because i cannot upload pictures. ARGH.

Haven't been upadting for quite sometime. Nothing much to say about my life, except for SCHOOL SCHOOL PROJECTS PROJECTS BOONLAY BOONLAY. Fuck Boonlay seriously. It's so far from civilisation and the people there stink. Can we create a law that prosecutes stinky people. Can you guys please bathe? Singapore is already not very aesthetically pleasing with so many undesirables around, well, at least don't kill my sense of smell. My sense of hearing is already a bit damaged thanks to terrible english and ahlian mandarin.

Hate myself for slacking. Can never get down to studying.

And can people stop asking stupid questions during my presentation because your questions are so lame, it's so obvious that you are trying to get participation points. People were actually asking me if the PERCEPTION of people's prices of instant noodles corresponded with the actual prices. HELLO FUCKFACE, i am doing on PERCEPTUAL MAPS. IT'S PERCEPTION. Who cares if it is really expensive like people perceive it to be? Seriously.. WHAT THE HELL. I didn't know NBS people could be thank dense. I was THIS CLOSE to answering "If have such burning curiosity, you can go down to the supermarket after class and see for yourself" I was damn irritated till i answered,"That's why it's called perceptual mapping"

Handsome guy is in my group, but his English is disappointing and he's cocky looking. I don't like.

Mr Muscle is another new groupmate. I met him yesterday. He's HUGE. HAHAHAHAHA. Damn funny. He was telling me where he was sitting. And i was silently praying,"Please DON'T let my groupmate be this large guy" Too intimidating. BINGO, it was him. As usual, i was DAMN sleepy, so i replied,"the muscular man" And before he read the msg, he turned around to acknowledge me. After he turned back, he read my msg which said,"The muscular man" And he turned around and laughed, saying "ya.." OMG MAN. I thought i was gonna die from embarrassment. Ok i think he might be nice.. he has the commando haircut. It's like flat grass on top, with shaved sides. He reminds me of Shrek. If we actually meet up to discuss, i shall try to find a chance and ask if he's as strong as he looks, and if he can carry me. HAHAHAHAHA. Can i call you Mr Muscle from now on.

I was thinking about alot of things yesterday. Let me tell you..
1. How can people walk around looking like shit? Wear shitty looking clothes, mismatched colours, terrible terrible.
2. How can people walk around looking so wayang in that kind of makeup?
3. How can really OBESE people wear VERY TINY skirts and show off their fats?
4. How can people stand their own bad breath and body odour without doing something about it?
5. How can people DARE walk around with oily and smelly hair?

Unanswered. I've always got the urge to ask these culprits their rationale for doing such things. Is it because they are unaware, or they cannot be bothered, or they are trying to kill my basic 5 senses.

There's one really fucking irritating girl in my consumer behaviour class. Seriously, shut the hell up. If there's a rule saying that ugly people should shut up, she would have been shot for talking. She has this weird cheena accent, so i am guessing she's from china, very fair.. mousy face. Seems like she has buck teeth or teeth too big for her face. It feels like i'll get rabies if i get too near her.
6:54 PM



My lack of concentration or absence of it is totally pissing me off. WTH am i doing in front of the laptop the entire day. ARGH I was supposed to read my textbook today! I have a deadline due next monday and i have no freaking idea how to start and there's only ME and another girl in a group. FANTASTIC.

And i only have another guy in my group for public admin's article critique too. FANTASTIC.

And i am working with 3 other guys for my pblic admin research project. I've never worked in a GUY group before. DAMN. I mean, girls have always dominated, and girls are meticulous, neat... DAMN.

And i am going to town tomorrow. I suck man.
4:04 AM



End of second week, time kinda flies.

This FUCKFACE said she wanted my biz law book, and she said 4TH EDITION. So i was nice enough to tell her that they are using a different edition now, and she said she still wanted it. AND I BROUGHT IT THE NEXT DAY.

Me: Yeah mine is 4th edition.. yours is fifth.
Buyer: Do you mind if i don't buy from you? I know the edition has changed so i am not sure if there are gonna be lotsa changes in the book. Sorry to make you lug the book around!
Me: Honestly, i mind, but i am not gonna be an asshole. Why did you tell me you wanted in the first place.
Buyer: Cos you said it's different edition so it made me hesitate.
Me: Whatever, just buy the new one.
Buyer: I am really sorry.
Me: I really don't care.

I was THIS close to ask that fuckface to go fuck herself. And everytime i replied, i had to fight the urge to include a FUCK in front of every word i could. The fucking biz law book was so fucking thick, it's so fucking heavy and i had to carry my fuckin public admin book. You should just fucking die. Fuck you, you fucking fucker. DAMN PISSED, even till now. If i ever find out who she is, i will lu the biz law book from bishan to BOON LAY again, just to smash her nose with the binding of my book. Crush your nose, and give you 1000000001 paper cuts on your eyeballs. ARGH.

I have no motivation as usual. ARGH! PISSED.

Bought something for an important friend KAIZ today. She's going back to Taiwan tmr! :( One of my bestest buddies goneeeeeeee, not in Sg! I am so gonna miss you kaiz!! BOOOHOOHOOO! Better come back to Sg. And i wanna visit Taiwan when it's winter, so that i can wear pretty fur and leather, and boots, skinnies, scarves, and if i see ppl wearing ear muffs, i'll get pink heart shaped or bunny faced ear muffs. HAHAAHHAHAHAA Damn cute. But it isn't that cold. ZZZZZZ...

I AM SHIT BROKE. I looked goooooooood in a pair of jeans from Zara today!! 90 bucks. I like another pair of acid wash blue jeans from Zara too! And the blazers from River Island, Mphosis or Pull and Bear OMG. AND my hats, trend trend trendyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I shall get the skull ones, from 77th STREET. Can't believe i am gonna buy that SHIT from there. WTF. I am ahlian. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love my false eye lashes. Me so pweeeety pweeeeeety. HAHAHA i am crazy.

Obesity is a crime. Singapore should make it a crime, so that i'll have more incentive to be skinnier and stop eating. OMFG.
11:19 PM



If i had a gun, I'll shoot you in the heart so that you can feel my pain. Even with that, you cannot possibly feel half the pain.

I think too much for my own good. I see too much for my own good. Curiosity kills, it really does. I know i am on my way to a better position than i was before, but there's still a part of me that isn't letting go. And i am afraid to see what i am going to see soon. Sometimes, i tell myself it's stupid to feel miserable alone when people have already gotten past it or never had to go through it. But sometimes, it just doesn't work.

People tell me that i deserve better, much much better, because i have proved that i can actually put in effort and do alot of things to make people happy too. But it doesn't work at times too.

There's hardly anything that makes me really happy. Here's a list of things i want to do:
1. pierce my tongue
2. Get a tattoo on my upper shoulder
3. Earn money somehow, appear naked on FHM. Haha.
4. Destroy you.
1:28 AM



Somestimes, I still feel like i should be given another shot at it. It's unfair.
2:32 AM



This is a typical conversation between kimtard and i..
i love sexy and sexy is jaejoong says:
asshole
intro me cute guys
kimjee ♥ says:
dont have okay
pigshit
so picky
u can have my shit
its damn cute
i love sexy and sexy is jaejoong says:
HAHAHAAHAHAHAH
WTF
GO TO HELL
intro me cute girls too
kimjee ♥ says:
HAHAHAHA
i love sexy and sexy is jaejoong says:
cuter than your shit
kimjee ♥ says:
i dont know any gay girls u retard
HAHAHAHA
i love sexy and sexy is jaejoong says:
WTF U SUCK.
kimjee ♥ says:
u can try my girlfriends
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i love sexy and sexy is jaejoong says:
NOT MY TYPE
kimjee ♥ says:
u see
picky like shit
een my shit doesnt want u okay
HAHAHAHAHAHA
walao my v button got problem
bloody shit
i love sexy and sexy is jaejoong says:
then u have to type i LUB u instead of I LOVE U to daniel
HAHAHAHAHAHA
kimjee ♥ says:
ewwwwwwww
disgusting
dmmsy okat
*okay
11:20 PM



I went to town to meet Cel and Pearlz today. Alot of things i wanna buy. ARGH! And we kept trying to find out the nickname given to Patoshik(however you spell it). Cel said it started with a 'H', and i said there's a word 'wire' in it. After ALOT of 'HOW?', 'I CANNOT REMEMBER!', 'EH WHY CANNOT REMEMBER!!!', 'WAHLAO!!!'... Pearlz finally said.. HAYWIRE!!! And we were jumping for joy. Haywire's a character from prison break by the way. But he died in the earlier seasons.

I deserve to be shot. I had Chippy's fish and chips, J freeze's Azuki beans abd soy milk drink, 2 fries, a few figs, one kuey like thing and one cup of yoghurt. This sucks. I should just starve and die.

I met Eelin yesterday. Was supposed to meet Mich, Manel and Suchen too, but it got cancelled last minute. And i don't know why, i felt like shit instantly. Maybe it was because i felt that yesterday was kinda the last time we could meet and party our asses away before school started. And you should know i've been feeling like shit recently. I don't know how Eelin and I ended up at Play and slacking around on the sofas inside. And we left before the performance even started because we were damn bored. And i felt like shit seeing everyone else around me having a life and being happy. I think i really needed to drink and then puke my intestines out. Maybe i'll be concussed and get a 1.5year memory loss.

I hardly think about what i do these days. And i think my courage has increased 1000000 folds. If i had to introduce myself to the tutorial class and the tutor insisted on something special, i'll go,"Hi I am Ming Hui and i am special".. "Hi i am minghui and i don't know ANYONE, so when we must go into groups, i'll go to the one that has insufficient members"..

I feel like piercing my tongue. But mommy will never allow.
Feel like getting a tattoo. If i don't do these things.. i will never do them EVER.
Piercings give me a sense of satisfaction, the anticipation, the moment itself, and what comes after that.

But i won't try smoking and drugs. I am a healthy person, who wants to be skinny, but i'd rather starve.

I thought of some stuff again today, and felt damn crappy. As much as i can be happy, laugh, joke, be an asshole and myself sometimes, there are things that i know i cannot avoid. Like.. what is about to come, what might never be, what i intend to do, and what certain people's reaction would be. It's killing me, and it will when all these things happen. How? I need someone to save me. Just ONE. And it's so damn hard.

I saw fake eyelashes i really love at far east today, maybe i'll get them tmr since i am so free. Feathery, fake, pretty.

Has anyone noticed that each of my paragraphs start with an 'I'?
11:02 PM



Went to Lavender for lunch at this Thai place with Jieming yesterday. Apparently, she said that the mango sticky rice was great, which was actually not bad. But after mangoes, i think my throat got a bit sore. The food's not bad, but these days, i am hardly interested in eating. Went to east coast later, and she made me walk DAMN long, in the HOT SUN and led me to a dead end. BEST. It's ok, i hardly get angry these days too. I saw a tree i liked at east coast, it's my tree. I'll visit it when i go to east coast, which will be years later. My tree would have died if fat people keep sitting on my favourite branch. Get your fat asses off.

I saw Anna Ling on the Watsons ad. Random.

Met Cel and Kaiz today at Ion. Chilled, but cel was a bit sick, kept puking. Hardly ever see her uninterested in food. I was in my zebra jumper, and i could sense eyes following the patterns of my jumper. Why? Is it a crime to be in a cute jumper? Just because you boring people choose to be in boring brown cardigans and boring khaki shorts and boring beige bags, and worse, your boring faces. Gossiped as usual, about alot of weird ex Cedarians having boyfriends. And Celine was like,"Of course, if u are willing to take anyone, then will surely have." And i said yes at first, and after a while, i was like,"No... i don't have." I am too hideous and obese, nobody wants poor meng.

It has been quite a long time to me, since i really laughed heartily. Sometimes, i feel better, and like nothing else but that moment matters. And then again, sometimes, i just slip back into my depression mode. And i cannot help it. Someone asked me yesterday, are you going to let go? Well, actually alot of people have asked me that. I know i should, but i can't, and that's because there's a part of me that doesn't want to, and i have several reasons. If you want to know, just ask me, i'll just tell you, even if you are TANNY WONG. Sorry Tanny, i just had to use your name, well, actually i am not sorry. I had a funny conversation with Tanny yesterday. And you'll get Tan Eelin from me if you complete my task for you. I offer good rewards.

You know, i really love my girlfriends and kim for being there. And i am sorry if i haven't been paying attention to anything you guys have been saying sometimes, because it just happens when i slip into that shitty mood. I am usually quite attentive and i listen well. Give me some time. And I am sorry if i pissed you guys off by being pessimistic and stubborn. Vivian told me that i have to do this alone, and i disagree with that. I need everyone's help. Even stupid tanny made me laugh out loud at the convo we had yesterday, congrats tanny, you made almighty minghui laugh, one step closer to claim your prize. Even my sis, who is oblivious to everything, can help in her tiny ways.
6:58 PM



Went to the zoo with kim yesterday. And the entire day, i really felt like i could just die any moment. Sorry kim, if i looked vacant and dead. I just couldnt't help it.

I tried again yesterday, and obviously, my attempts failed. Everyone's asking me why i won't give up.. believe me, i have asked myself to give up as well. But you know, i just CANNOT let go of the things i have been through the past 1 year plus?? I just CANNOT. It's suffocating me, the thoughts swarming whatever's left of my battered and bruised brains. Every second, every minute, everyday, the thoughts just keep coming and i find it so damn tough to let go.

Manel told me sometihng like.. there must be something there in the first place that bring people together, just because it has changed, doesn't mean that it has disappeared. Spot on.

Too tired.
I tried.
Cannot commit.
It isn't the same anymore.

Can someone please save me. I've never wanted or needed more help my entire life.

This is my point of view, something that people might not agree. You don't just stop loving people, you just get tired of trying, but you take a breather, and then you get back into it. I was tired, i almost gave up, i really tried like hell, but i didn't give up, because i kept holding on to whatever i have been through, and what would happen when it improves, like things always do in the end.

I saw it, a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, i really did, no matter how hard it was to get there.
2:17 PM



I keep tearing and tearing and tearing.. crying and crying and crying.. feeling miserable all over again. When will it ever end.. and it has only been a day.. or rather, half a day. I Said it before.. i CANNOT do it. I really CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT. I feel like i can just lie in bed and feel miserable forever and ever and ever and ever. And what frustrates me more is that i HATE feeling upset, i HATE crying to the core, i HATE it. I HATE EVERYTHING. I CANNOT be angry, i CANNOT find someone to blame. I feel damn cheated, so incredibly stupid to have believed in everything. I let down my guard, i removed all barriers, i gave it my all, because i believed in it. Because someone made me believe in it. And now, it just all comes crashing down. Feels like something i have worked for my entire life crashing down right in front of me. I TRIED TO SALVAGE IT. I TRIED LIKE FUCK. And i wasn't given a chance. I gave you a chance i swear, as much as i didn't want to.

I said that i will be the one to end everything. Only i have the right to end everything, because i wasn't the one who started it. It sucks.. when you work so hard, to change and accomodate, to understand and to listen to everything, and someone just tells you that you just don't cut it, they have already given up on you when you are working so damn hard. I don't know how to put it, i can't find words to describe it, it's just.. unfair.

I don't want things to go back to what they WERE, i just wanted things to lift off from where we all were, to not make the same mistakes. That's what happens in life, you meet obstacles, you fight them, you get past them, and then you move off from there. You don't just END it.

I worked really hard. I had to come up with bullshit stories, i had to lie, i had to give up alot of things, and now that i have come to terms with those things, i have gotten accustomed to them, things just END. I wasn't willing to let it end, and i am still not willing, even though it has already ended. We were all tired, but i was willing to give it a shot, alot more.. alot alot alot more.

And i am sick of people telling me my face is skinny because it isn't. Period. I can lose 10kg and i will still be obese.
8:26 PM



Went shopping with Mommy and Daddy today. Bought a pair of funny looking leopard printed shorts, zebra printed jumper and a dress. YAY. I need more clothes man!

Ok i knowi am slow, but i finally finished season 6 of The L word, after pausing for a REALLY REALLY long time. AND... mystery not solved. They didn't reveal who killed Jenny Schecter. But i thought the last episode was really freaky in its own way. Everyone was at Bette and Tina's new house, and Jenny knew that her friendship with everyone else was already quite 'fucked up'. And there was this scene of Bette and Jenny at the balcony above the pool where Jenny died, and they sort of had an arguement. And then... a scene of Tina finding out that Jenny was the one who stole the film of Les Girls. And then..... of Shane finding out about Jenny hiding Molly's letter, and... of Helena breaking up with Dylan because of Jenny.. and Alice just hates Jenny. Honestly, Jenny was such a busybody and she was deranged and twisted. I kinda liked the storyline.. but was a bit of a disappointment when the killer was never revealed. Well, given Jenny's character, she could have killed herself, because she had nothing left. NOTHING.. because everyone hates her.

GOSH so freaky.. you guys should totally watch it. I mean, okay.. there's fair amount of lust and all, but it's a good show. I love it, partly because it's not as stupid as gossip girl.

I passed the 'laser' stage for Resident Evil. WOOOOTS am i pro or what. HAHAHAHA. Kimtard sucks. No teamwork, forever turning the mirrors and killing her partner. HAHAHA!

I am kinda sleepy. I see Mr puny gobbling alot of food, and Lil M drinking water, and Spot is hiding in the house.. and Mr pretty is running on the wheel. So cute. I saw bunnies today. I WANT I WANT! Holland Lop ear.. or that Lionheaded bunny. OMGOSH SO CUTE. I'll make it chew on weekee's worksheets if i get one.
3:22 AM



DAMN.. i cannot upload pictures. This is annoying me. Zzzz.. went to Katong with Celine, Pearlz and Kaiz today for tzechar dinner, partly because i am not a fan of chicken rice. As in, i don't exactly like chicken. I'd rather beef ANYTIME, my FAVOURITE. Well, the cereal prawns were disappointing. Hardly any cereal and it cos us $15.. stupid dickheads. CHEATERS. Roamed here and there as usual, and laughed as usual. Bishan is really really really FAR. Haha..

Went out with Kim, Daniel and his friends to Sentosa on Saturday. Had Sakae for lunch and headed to Cafe Del Mar. Had to walk in the sand and SUN.. without proper attire too. Maybe that's why my face was a bit screwed up. Daniel's friend asked him why i was unhappy and was it because of his conversational skills. HAHAHA.. so that's how i look like to people when they are talking to me. No wonder i don't have many friends. HAHAHAHAHA!! I wasn't particularly ecstatic, but i wasn't UNHAPPY either.

HOT weather + PERIOD = PISSED FACE.

Actually, TAN + MING + HUI = PISSED FACE.

Not my fault. I think mommy frowned too much or got pissed to often when i was in her womb. I got my temper from her too.

I don't want to be sad anymore. The feeling sucks, but there's a limit to how much a can take i guess. Oh well, i am not in such a bad state now. I am still alive, and i will never become wasted.. i mean, i'll lose some weight(a great thing), but i won't binge drink or go for tattoos and do dangerous things. I still have some brains left in me. I am worth more than the pile of dung that people turn into when they are in my situation. Sooooooooo.. FUCK YOU ALL ,YOU FUCKFACES!

Celine just told me Jesus is God's son. Who the hell confused me. I have been right all the while OKAY.
2:59 AM